dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
