I need help removing her.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
