It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
