Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
