Well apparently he's into motor boating.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
