I love black thongs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm always down for nudity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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