I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
