I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
