Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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