I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
