He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
