So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
