i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
