First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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