we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
