we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
