k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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