I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
