She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
