You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
