she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
