the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
