On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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