it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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