don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
