why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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