We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I could fuck to npr.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
