Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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