Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
