My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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