All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
