Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
