how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
