official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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