I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
