i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
