Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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