that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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