Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
