I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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