I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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