This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
