You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
