I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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