Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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