i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
