yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
