I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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