so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
