Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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