im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
