He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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