I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
