can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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