I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
