i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
